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The Right Way to Offer a Sacrifice to the River God – Chapter 1
The Village Elders kept having nightmares recently.
They dreamt that the River God of the large river near their village wanted to take a bride, and if he didn't, then he would create a flood.
The villagers used the method of drawing straws and picked out a young girl. They then chose an auspicious time and date to dress up the endlessly weeping girl to look like a bride, before sending her off towards the River God's temple while striking gongs and beating drums.
The bride waited in the temple with a heart filled with dread, the one who appeared as she waited, however, was a youth from the same village.
His name was Liu Qi. Ever since he was young, he had resolved himself to be a chivalrous hero that would uphold the virtuous and condemn the evil. He had learned a few moves from a Higher Person who was borrowing accommodations from their village, and now no one in the village could defeat him.
Liu Qi handed the bride some dried rations and clothes, then asked her to hide behind a stone to change so she could quickly escape.
The bride did not dare to leave and cried in protest, "If the River God does not marry a bride, he would drown the whole village!"
Liu Qi clenched his fist so tightly there was a 'ka-ba' sound, "What kind of dog poop is this River God? If he really dares appear, I'll beat him to death."
In the end, the bride ran away. Liu Qi put on the wedding robes on himself and waited for the River God with a harpoon in hand.
Not long later, the river started to look as if it was boiling over. The water then split into two, revealing a road on the river bottom where not a single drop of water remained. A male wearing wedding robes walked up from below the water, he was extremely handsome and looked to be full of joy.
"You are the River God?"
The River God cupped his hands in greeting, "This small one is Bai Chuan."
"My name is Liu Qi," Liu Qi replied as he weighed the harpoon in his hands.
Bai Chuan had a look of yearning as he tiptoed towards the back of Liu Qi, looking around carefully, "Cough… Where is my bride?"
Liu Qi pointed at himself as he haughtily replied, "It's me."
Bai Chuan rubbed his eyes before he asked, "…Has this one turned blind? You look like you're a male."
"Who set rules that said males cannot be brides?"
Bai Chuan was genteel and bookish as he carefully phrased his words, "A bride is a bride, of course, it's a female. If it was a male, then that would be a male-bride."
T/N: It's a pun lost in translation, basically the author used 新娘 and 新爹, where the literal translation of bride means 'new mother' and male-bride = 'new father'
"Precisely, I am your male-bride."
Bai Chuan: …
Bai Chuan sized up Liu Qi and had a face of unhappiness, "I don't want you. I want a bride."
Liu Qi was getting impatient, "Like I said, that's me."
Fuming, Bai Chuan started chanting incantations, "I'm going to start the floodwaters, then drown your village. Heng!"
Thus, Liu Qi took his harpoon and gave Bai Chuan a good beating.
Tears covered the face of Bai Chuan who was still wearing his wedding robe. He laid sprawled on the floor, battered and exhausted. There was a painfully large bump on his head, his knees were split open from the abuse, and his heart laid in ashes.
Liu Qi sat on his limp form like an evil tyrant. Using the sharp head of his harpoon, he pressed into onto Bai Chuan's neck as he threatened him, " You dare drown my village and I'll stab you to death."
Bai Chuan blinked as he pouted and cried, "I've been cut off from people for so many years and finally managed to cultivate myself to a River God with great difficulty. I just want to marry a wife… Wu… It's not like I eat people…"
Liu Qi clicked his tongue, "How many times do I have to repeat myself? I am your wife. If you still dare to drown my village then go ahead, if not then just lay there obediently."
Bai Chuan started crying even harder, "You're bullying me! I'm going to change forms!"
Liu Qi taunted him, "You still want to change forms? If you're so powerful, why don't you ascend to the heavens?"
The implication had just been landed. Bai Chuan's body shuddered violently before turning into a ray of bright light, disappearing into the air.
Instantly, the color of the clouds changed and a torrential downpour started. A silvery-white dragon that, according to legends, had the ability to control rain and floods, roamed between the heaven and earth.
Liu Qi commented, dumbstruck," And he actually went up."
However, the moment he finished speaking, Bai Chuan once again changed his form into a humans. He panted on the floor as he lay there paralyzed, "Ah so tired, so tired."
Liu Qi: …
Bai Chuan wiped up his sweat and sincerely smiled, "I just finished cultivating into a dragon's form, so my power still isn't up to standards. I can only keep that form for a short while."
Thus, once again, Liu Qi pressed the River God onto the floor with his harpoon.
Bai Chuan had no choice, he couldn't out-fight him, he couldn't outrun him either. Also, according to the simple mindsets of monsters, having one was better than having nothing at all.
Therefore, Bai Chuan brought Liu Qi with him back to the bottom of the river. After entering the world created by Bai Chuan's powers, Liu Qi could move with ease under the river. He could breathe and walk, almost as if he was on land.
Bai Chuan fixed his clothes and sat upright and still, before he tried to revive the topic of his marriage, "Even though you're a male, but since you are still my bride in name, then you have to listen to your husband."
Liu Qi absentmindedly made a sound of agreement as he looked around in curiosity. The scene under the river was magnificent. Concentrated, silk-like strands of the blue river lightly hit the transparent yet solid edge of the world and rays of light as fine as spider silk were scattered across the bottom of the river. The surrounding schools of fish swam about, spitting out fragile little bubbles of air that sparkled as it floated up and broke the surface of the river in clusters. The old oysters at the river bottom opened up its massive shell and revealed its smooth and round pearls that reflected a comfortable and warm light.
Bai Chuan stomped his foot, "Did you hear what I said?"
Liu Qi returned to his senses, but only rubbed his stomach and commented, "I'm hungry."
Bai Chuan was so angry that his teeth were grinding against each other. He waved for a few mantis shrimps and river crabs over and let them prepare Liu Qi some food.
Liu Qi looked bitterly at the plate of raw fish, "This thing can be eaten like this?"
Bai Chuan rolled his eyes, "I've already eaten it for a few hundred years."
Pity filled Liu Qi's face as he asked, "Can I start a fire here? I'll roast these to eat."
"Of course not," Bai Chuan frowned.
In that moment, Liu Qi's stomach rumbled loudly, "Then I can't stay here, I want to go back."
Bai Chuan answered in an easygoing tone, "Sure, quickly return home. I'll reach out to your village elders through a spiritual dream again and demand another bride."
Liu Qi grabbed onto the River God's collar and smiled, "Oh Beautiful One, you're going with me.
The poor god was frantic as he screamed, "Let go! You're too violent! I refuse to leave with you!"
Liu Qi pretended not to hear the insult as he commented, "As the saying goes, 'If you marry a chicken, follow the chicken; If you marry a dog, follow the dog'"
Bai Chuan's tone suddenly carried a tone of seriousness, "Wait a minute, I don't think this saying is meant to be used like this."
Being the tyrant that Bai Chuan knew, Liu Qi retorted, "Nope, that's exactly how it's used. Be careful or I'll beat you up again." This made Bai Chuan so mad to the point that he stomped his foot in the water.
Liu Qi forcefully carried the river god back home with the intention to help eliminate a public threat and threw him onto the riverbank.
Bai Chuan's crying made him look like a young lady being raped.
Liu Qi clapped his hands and ordered, "Be good and stay there. I'm going to go make something to eat."
"What kind of good food would you even have?" Bai Chuan looked at him in despise.
Not long later, Liu Qi served up two dishes of home-cooked food. Tomatoes and scrambled egg, vegetables stir-fried with smoked meat, and a large bowl of fish soup.
Bai Chuan sniffed, and without even waiting for Liu Qi to call him, he automatically sat himself down by the table. Holding onto the large bowl of fish soup, just with the tomatoes scrambled eggs as a side dish, he cleaned off two bowls of rice, after which he continued to clear the plate of vegetables and smoked meat and completely emptied the plates, eating to the point that his lips were oily. Liu Qi, supporting his empty bowl, was stupefied as he watched the refined and cultured river god as if he was the reincarnation of a hungry ghost, scarfing down the food.
Seeing a table's worth of dishes all going into Bai Chuan's tummy, Liu Qi smiled as he asked, "Is it good?"
Bai Chuan wiped his mouth, sat upright and still and shamelessly said, "So-so."
Liu Qi: Oh.
Bai Chuan hopefully licked his lips a few times and asked softly, "Anymore?"
Liu Qi lazily replied, "Not full? I'll give you a raw fish, slowly bite it yourself."
Seeing his attitude, Bai Chuan carefully nudged Liu Qi. "…You go make some more."
The other party only rolled his eyes at him, " How mature."
Thus, Liu Qi once again entered the kitchen and made two bowls of noodles, added in two eggs, and topped it with a few slices of cooked beef.
Bai Chuan ate it as he huffed and puffed, finishing even the soup till there wasn't a drop left. His eyes couldn't stop hovering back and forth from Liu Qi's portion.
Liu Qi was helpless. "Isn't your appetite a little too big?"
The one in mention blushed as he explained, "After eating a few hundred years of raw fish, it's not easy for me to finally be able to eat something new. What's more, I am still a dragon ah. Of course, my appetite would be bigger…"
Liu Qi only supported his head as he sighed, "I'm done for. I can't afford to raise you."
Seeing him like this, Bai Chuan rummaged around his sleeves and took out a night luminous pearl and gave it to Liu Qi. "This is worth quite a bit right?"
Liu Qi: …
On his side, Bai Chuan took no notice of Liu Qi's reaction and boasted, "I've even saved up quite a lot. If you want, I can go back down to the bottom of the river and get some, there is definitely enough.
Liu Qi wiped his mouth and pat Bai Chuan's shoulder, "Wait a while, I'll go kill a chicken. We'll eat it red-braised.
Bai Chuan blissfully laid his head on the table in wait, his eyes expressing his deep yearning for food
Author has something to say:
Our River God is a little foodie… _(:з」∠)_
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