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新年快乐 Happy Lunar New Year! Wishing everyone a prosperous year to come and good health!
© This short story belongs to 无颜色Wu Yan Se
Although I did gave permission on the last two short stories, I will not give permission to translate into other languages for future short stories I have translated. Hope you guys understand and respect my decision ?
I lied on the bed, my body has become so weaken, weaken to the point that my eyes can no longer open.
I know I am about to die. My body has already been internally injured, being lucky to live five years can be considered a miracle. But… but I am discontented, I am not contented to die like this. I have not given birth for him, a child for he and I. I know he likes children, it's a pity from being gravely injured years ago that such a small wish became distant, and cannot be achieved.
"Awake?" He asked as he sat besides me. His rough fingers touched my face, gentle and warm, causing me to not refrain myself from tearing up.
"Why cry again?" He sighed, gently wiping away the tears from the corners of my eyes.
It's truly difficult to open one's eyes, relying on the sunlight outside of the window, I finally saw his face. His appearance still like so, a handsome face, deep and serene eyes, in the end I cannot see clearly. The hand that was slightly raised was grabbed by him, and pressed against his face.
" …Really sorry…" My throat felt as if it was burned, the words I spoke I cannot hear clearly. But I know that he heard, heard clearly, and only pretended to not know. He turned his head, and received the bowl brought by the servant.
"Quickly drink the medicine. The doctor said you have caught a cold, in two days you shall recover." He said as he bent down, raised my body up, held onto the bowl of medicine and brought it to my mouth. He lied to me, but also lied to himself. It's strange that in our hearts we understand, it's just did not want to frankly speak it out, at the bottom of the heart still holds onto a bit of hope as thin as mist.
I heard and drank the entire bowl of medicine, and was brought by him to the bed.
"Rest well." He cushioned the blanket for my feet. I nodded.
" You are also tired, go rest." He always like to be clean, his body/appearance is always organized and clean. But now, his clothes are wrinkled, and a beard grew fully on his chin.
"It's fine, staying by your side is good enough." He shook his head in refusal.
"You being like this, how can I be assured?" Tears followed the corners of the eyes and fell down. I am usually not difficult, but the past days I am weak like a child, even feeling contemptuous of myself.
"You are… Ai" The one who compromised was still him. He always spoiled me, as long as I say, even if the request is unreasonable, in the end he will still do it for me. He cushioned the blanket that was already airtight once more, and kissed my forehead before he finally left. I gazed at his shadow that is leaving and shed yet again. But this time I did not let him notice, or else he would want to stay and not leave.
The room darkened, outside the door a figure of a person stands. I am too tired, my mind before was alert and now it has dispersed. I tiredly close my eyes, and sink into the absent-mindedness.
"You said, you want to bring me into her body?" There was a female voice that seems to vibrate besides me.
"Was this not the body that you've chosen?" An elderly man voice rang, "Wanted wealth, a beautiful appearance, and is also young."
"But she is already married!" That female seems to dislike something.
"Did you not said you wanted to enter jianghu, wanted highly skilled martial arts, behind there would be strong followers to help you collect consequences/results?" The elderly man continued to speak, "That lady is not only the most beautiful maiden of martial circle, she is also the master of Xiao Yao palace, one sect with ten thousands of followers, even the emperor would give her seven portions of face. Furthermore, weren't you the one who wanted to marry the martial arts master? It's her husband. Aren't you satisfied with that man?"
"…Right, really is not bad."
" You, you look at me for what! Fine, I will speak the truth. He's great, cold and handsome, lovesick, and gentle. I, I look to the point of gaping, then, then so what~"
"Thus have you confirmed it's this lady?" The elderly man asked.
"Let's… let’s pick her then." Even though in her words there is a bit of reluctance, but basically she cannot hide her excitement and satisfaction in her intonation.
Hearing this much of their dialogue, I can already guess what it is. Jie Shi Huan Hun (reincarnating into someone else’s body), borrowing my body, while the soul is hers. But how can I smile happily and satisfy them? I have no hesitation, and opened my eyes. Suddenly I felt that my body relaxed, and can also lightly stand up.
"You temporarily separate from your body." The elder man seems to understand my suspicion and explained.
Hearing him say this, I then turned around to look at them. One elderly and one young. The elder man's appearance was kind, and carries heavenly qi. But the girl… very young, her appearance is ordinary, she hides behind the elderly man, obviously is weak but thought she has a backing, her eyes peered at me with scrutiny. Her gaze caused me to disrelish. I who lived in jianghu and built up fame for many years, have not meet someone who dares to give this type of gaze at me. Let alone, this girl, who doesn't know between the good and bad, would dare to scheme for my body, for my husband.
"You’ll be damned." I coldly glance at her, accumulating my energy to charge at her way, but stopped. I'm currently separated from my body, basically I do not have any force. For I, I do not have the ability to kill her…
"You, you have already died." She withdrew her neck, her body completely hid behind the elder man, her small voice muttered lowly.
"Miss…" The elder man opened his mouth and was about to speak to me about something, but I interrupted him.
"I know what you want to say. You want my [physical] body to let her revive (return from the grave)."
I spoke, saw that the other two people nodded, my heart sneered.
"But on what basis." After finishing, I saw the other two people becoming shocked.
"What?" The girl was alarmed.
"What is the reason that I will let you have my body!"
"You have died." She with no brain loudly chimed in, but the elder man shifted his face and gave me no glance.
"It's true that I've died. In a lifetime of a human, who doesn't die, I have understand such at an earlier time, has already accepted it. But on what basis will I let you have my body."
"Even if you have died, leaving behind that body is pointless." Under my resentful gaze she was scared and cannot stop shaking. I am very satisfied, because she really should be scare. Many years already, I have soon learned the method in making others obedient, and fearful of me.
"I died, I want to bring my body into the ground. That is my body, I have lived for more than ten years, and have used it [the body] for more than ten years. What reason should I give it to you, based on what for you to reside inside my body, take away my husband's heart, command my subordinates, and enjoy happiness that I have sacrifice everything to obtain! On what basis! Are you even worthy?" I questioned furiously.
My background is that of poverty, and ever since young I have no parents. Five years old I was sold to a brothel, and endure humiliation. When I was twelve years old I was rescued by a woman, and became her disciple. I bit my teeth to continue, accept every kind of torture and pain to succeed. I joined the jianghu circle, have been insulted as demoness by others, have been chased by others, and my reputation and integrity have been tarnished by others. I have exhaustingly used my own strength to prove myself, I have exhaustingly made that cold man to notice me, made him familiar with me within so many years, love me, made him who was originally arrogant to finally accept my existence in his daily activities, in his life… Yet at this time I unreasonably and uncomely gift everything to her! To someone who knows nothing, stupid, weak and talentless as her! What does she based on?! Is she even worthy?
Every obstacles of mine did she ever endure such? Has she ever gone through my pain? Everything, everything of mine, she has not yet seen, has not yet gone through. And so with just one sentence "You have died", she can overtly receive everything of mine, replacing my human body, and contently accepts everything of mine! I am not satisfied, I cannot accept it! Even if everything was destroyed, I will not give it to her!
"Ah, why you must do this." The elderly man softly sighed, and shook his head.
"You are a heavenly immortal, you have already known everything about me. Heavenly immortals in the heavenly realm are detached and cold towards all matters of the [mortal] world. Now, how can you commit such a cruel act like this!" I know he understands me, I have known that he has seen through me earlier. I am discontented ah, I am discontented ah. Because of proving myself, I have tarnished my own body, and my whole life cannot marry. Because of saving him [my husband], I have been internally injured; each day I lived is a miracle. Like this… like this to exchange everything, how can I unreasonably and uncomely gift everything to someone else… how can I.
"…Contrary, after you die… that body is mine…" She on the side whispered. She has already identified everything, despite being fearful of me, arrogance overfilled her eyes.
"I will not agree!" I did not look at her but at the elderly man.
"Hey! You [elderly man] have to solve this for me ah. I have died unintended because of you guys. You have told me that you will help me revive/return from the grave." She took her hand, poked the elderly man's belt, and gave a proud look at me.
"Ah, this, this…" The elderly man hesitates. Looked at me, looked at her.
"I don't care! You said you would let me choose. I chose her!" She seems to see that the elderly man was hesitating, appearing to be more proud of herself. She slowly walks to my direction, and circles around me.
"En,en, not bad, not bad. Really is beautiful."
"Ai ya, this body will soon be mine. Xiao Yao palace? Ha ha~ The best martial maiden, and also that martial art master… Rest assured, I will certainly take good care of him." When she mentioned my husband her face grew red, seemingly like [she] was thinking of something great. Is she certain my husband will be hers? Such foolishness caused me to feel disgusted. I gazed at the stupid girl in front of me, murderous intent rose from the heart. Kill her…
I raised my hand, and used the fastest speed to choke her. My hand has barely touched her neck, little strength was used and immediately saw her wailing in pain.
"It hurts!" She squirmed, "Elderly man, quickly come help me!"
"She deserves to die." I coldly glanced at the elderly man. Even if it's my soul flies and scatters away, I still want to kill such trash who overestimated one’s strength.
"Lady, lady this…"
"Ah!" One sigh, white mist suffused, and in front of me was all white.
Because of pain from the bones within my body I have woken up. I knew, this is the last time. I saw him sorrowfully looked at me, and saw his eyes wet. He said men do not cry. He said he will not shed tears, even if faced with death. But… but right now, he has cried because of me. Because I am about to go, because of me…
"This, this time… I am afraid I will truly leave you my dear…" I tragically wept, drop by drop the tears fell, causing him to wipe yet cannot wipe it all away.
"You, you will be fine." His voice became shaky, his two hands embraced me.
"I wish you happiness, I still want to be by your side. But, but… truly sorry… I have not given birth a child for you…"
"I don't need a child, I just need you is enough. I only need you. Agree with me, you must live, must live…"
I shook my head, and laughed dryly. I always treasure promises. I have agreed to stay by his side for life, so that he will not be lonely anymore. But this time, I am afraid that the promise will really be broken.
"Hurry up and die." The joyous and delighted voice during calamity and disaster has traveled to my ears. My face shifted to the voice's direction, and only saw one old one young standing not far from the bed's edge. She stared intently at my husband, a mesmerized face. I really want to claw out her eyes, I want to kill her. I am discontented, I am discontented!
"You, are you okay? Why did you suddenly become agitated, don't be like this." He pat my back, wanted to help me lie down, but I stopped him.
"When I die, you immediately burn my body." I said as I faced him.
"No!" He painfully shook his head.
"Burn my body, only when I stop breathing, you immediately incinerate me!" I saw dread on her face. I saw that elderly man pulled her. I suddenly became joyful when seeing them panicked.
"Let me become ashes within the wind, at your side, together with you." I grabbed his robe, to let him look carefully at my eyes, to see my resoluteness. I hoped happiness for him, I hoped he can find someone he can love. But, but I cannot forgive easily my body being stolen by someone else, I cannot forgive easily my love becoming replaced. It is mine, I will carry it into the grave, carry it into the coffin.
"Ugh!" I spitted out a mouthful of blood, it's like flames are inside my body, painful.
"Agree, agree with me… I beg you…" I know he is in pain, but I truly do not want that matter to happen.
"Okay… okay, I, I agree,I promise you…" In the end he is the one that compromised, still yielding to me.
"I,must go, if not soul will retrieve. Burn my body, cannot allow anyone to replace me."
I leaned into his body, snuggled into his embrace. I satirically looked at she who is crazily yelling at me, and breathed out one last breath.
When my soul separated, I was immediately grabbed to the side. I saw her laughed loudly in the direction of my body. I wanted to stop it but my entire self has been trapped. Must I see how she will replace me? No, I don't want to!
I painfully looked at my body restored its heartbeat. I saw a smiling expression appeared on his gentle face. I saw that body jumped into his embrace, and I saw them hugged each other.
"I don't want to! I don't want to! Everything is mine, mine. What do you guys based/relied on for her to replace me, what did you guys based/replied on!" I began to struggle, I accepted the pain from my resistance to the elderly man's spell to imprison me. I began to weaken, increasingly weaken… After that, I saw my husband pushed her away.
"Who are you?!" He coldly shouted. Saw she can no longer hold up and fell down, filled with animus.
"I, I am…" She is so stupid to the point that even my name she does not know yet wants to replace me. Her face was pale, and immediately regained senses back.
"I, I lost my memories…" She pitifully said.
"I, I only remember being on a bridge, after, after that I drank a bowl of something…"
"Meng Po's soup?" His brows furrowed. I saw her happy eyes, sneered and shook my head. She thinks he will believe that? He purposely said such thing. His face, everything of his I know them very clearly. He is playing with her. Really laughable, who after losing their memories, would then remembered that one has crossed the River of Oblivion? Lying like this who would believe, I will not, he will not, besides her in this room, the people outside will not.
"Right, right, it's that soup. After, after there was an immortal that said I should not die… Thus, I then came back…You, you are my husband, no, lord right…" She weakly stood up and was about to jump into embrace, yet he had dodged out of the way.
"You have said that you wanted to burn this body, wanted to become ashes next to me." He said.
"No,no,no… Of course not. No, I, I originally thought this way, but, but that was due to thinking that I was going to die. But right now I did not die right? I did not die, thus, thus do not…"
"But I have already promised. I have agreed with you to burn your body. Since you loved me, then become ashes with the wind, and be by my side." When he said those words, he did not look at her. He looked at every corner of the room, yet does not look at her. I knew, he is speaking to me, he is speaking for me to hear.
"I promise, I promise…" I nodded, utmost nodding, and joyfully cried.
"But you, you already like this body, then become ashes with this body as well." When he finished speaking, he brought all the servants to open the door and exited the room.
"No! Please stop!" She took the risk as she banged against the door, but no one came to open the door. Everyone in the room, no one believed her. They knew that some unknown, demon-like creature has stolen my body. No one wanted to rescue her, no one.
"Elderly man, elderly man. You quickly come save me, quickly come save me! They want to kill me, they want to kill me!" She cannot see us, and so began to search frantically in the room. She rummaged, but no one answered her. I lifted my head to look at the elderly man next to me. He still gives off a friendly appearance, a gentle gaze, and the corner of his mouth has a hint of smile. But stood silently there, looked, took pity, yet does nothing.
Afterwards, the fire has been lit, and the room was burned. First the wood, the curtains, and then her. She wailed, screamed, cursed, swirled in craziness, and finally became silent.
I saw that elderly man carried her soul away, and I've heard she is utterly unsatisfied.
"You said you would let me revive."
"I have already let you to revive."
"But I died, burnt to death."
"What does that have to do with me?"
"I have agreed to let you revive, you have revived. You wanted to choose the body, I followed through. What I have promised you, I have already done all, are you still not satisfied?"
"I…I…I don't need it! I want to live, I want to live!" She began to cry, began to struggle. But Black and White Impermanence have come. They used an iron chained to chain her, and dragged her away. I stared at them as they began to go farther away, and in that moment I was astonished as to why I am still here.
"Have you not agreed with him that you want to become ashes within the wind and stay by his side?" The elderly man said to me.
I lifted my head in surprise. In my heart I thought of something, yet did not dare verify.
"Go with him. Until you are assured or he has died, we will come take you away." The elderly man smiled, his appearance friendly like before, his smile warms my heart.
"Thank you immortal…" I lowered my head to bow, and knelt down.
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